thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish

Contact 4 credit: Emailio.Addresstevez@gmail You can't get an STD if you never get tested.
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


HE LITERALLY MAKES CARIBBEAN LOUNGE MUSIC. (ruiner)

5 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I speak to about 12 people total, so am I ever going to call or text this girl in my phone that I poorly fingerblasted at Jewish summer camp in 1999 and haven't spoke to since? Probably not. BUT FOR SOME REASON I'M NEVER EVER DELETING IT.

6 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Your grandmother could change a tire in a blizzard while holding a screaming baby and drinking warm gin simultaneously. You take photos of your caprese salad so people you basically hate being friends with can "like" them and get crippling anxiety if they don't.

10 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


WELL PLAYED SIR. WELL FUCKING PLAYED. (pizzaslime)

14 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I will eat an entire log of cookie dough for dinner. Why? BECAUSE FUCK YOU MOM I'M AN ADULT THAT'S WHY

19 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I met a couple in Austin last week who named their child Frozen. YES, FROZEN. FUCKING FROZEN.

23 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


You all looked great in 2000. Actually, not the guy from Blues Traveller, he looked fucking insane. (bridgettobin)

23 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT. ARE. YOU. AN. ACTUAL. HUMAN. BEING. ALSO. WHY. DO. YOU. HAVE. HANDS. LIKE. THE. GRINCH.

26 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


REAL G SHIT BRUH (not real G shit actually. I wore a turtleneck, khakis and loafers every day until I was like 13, I looked like a rich power gay architect)

29 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


THEY SEE ME ROLLING/ THEY HATING/ BECAUSE I'M THE OLDEST LIVING FUCKING MONARCH

31 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I'M GONNA GET THE TWINS MATCHING STAINLESS STEEL PANINI MAKERS

32 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


One time I tried to smell Carrie Underwood's hair from behind at an event and got choked out by a security guard named Rage! Super fun!

34 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I miss when Chris Pratt was husky and wore cargo shorts and had a weird Abe Lincoln beard, now he's got abs to his neck and wears suits

38 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


A card from a pharmacy won't do anything to quell the deep and undying hatred that your significant other has in her heart for you, but it's a nice thought I guess? (drunkpeopledoingthings)

38 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I MADE LOVE TO A LASAGNA THIS MORNING.

38 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


She definitely asked to speak with the manager and is married to a former date rapist named Randy. (sadmichaeljordan)

40 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I'd rather spend the day in a souped up Mitsubishi Eclipse with a high spoiler with my grandma, Ol' Dirty Bastard and Paul Walker, Toyko drifting across the clouds πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

42 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


It's literally the cost of a fucking salad at Whole Foods if you get one hardboiled egg.

43 Days ago
thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


This dog is basically a rich power gay architect who owns a sunsplashed brownstone and says things like "is Susan fucking SERIOUS with that Michael Kors bag?"

44 Days ago