Comment from thefatjewish:

Ladies: most times we're staring at you because men are giant baby idiots who think everyone wants to receive their milky seed and they are poorly attempting to mate with you, but sometimes it's because you have poppyseeds all up in your teeth.

8 Hours ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

I woke up next to a girl this morning with huge hands who looks like a young Paul Giamatti. And she had a Dooney & Burke bag. It was horrible. ( @lydiamansel)

1 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

THIS YEAR STARTED OFF WITH A MAJESTIC TURKISH SWAGLORD WITH SHINY HAIR SALTING MEAT, WHO FUCKING KNOWS WHERE WE'RE HEADED FROM HERE. ( @memesformemers)

1 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

I ate a few weed gummy bears and didn't feel anything so I ate a few more and now I'm way too stoned and have anxiety and this photo is blowing my fucking mind which it really shouldn't (tw: @alsboy)

2 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

THIS PARTY IS GOING TO BE FILTHY AND GORGEOUS. FREE ENTRY. FREE @FOURLOKO. FREE UNEXPLAINED BRUISES THE NEXT DAY. PERFORMANCES BY @PARTYFAVORMUSIC AND @ILOVEMAKONNEN AND ME ON STAGE IN ASSLESS LEATHER CHAPS (are all chaps assless?) RSVP NOW AT FATJEWIRL.COM. MISSING IT WOULD BE DUMB.

4 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

Do you think they've ever had a sleepover with snacks and videos and maybe Barack drew a dick on Joe's face when he fell asleep too early? ( @thegladstork)

4 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

I once saw Wilmer Valderrama in LA wearing fingerless gloves and a beanie on a 93 degree day.

5 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

Give me 5 shots of tequila and I will like every single photo of your trip to Portugal with your mom from 86 weeks ago. ( @donny.drama)

5 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

BARRY, LET'S DO A J NOW THAT YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED. MAYBE SHOOT SOME HOOPS. I'LL WHOOP YOUR ASS IN MARIO KART FAM.

6 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

My mom thinks my Facebook wall is a private message to just me and asked me the other day on there if I was making sure to take my Valtrex :( ( @tank.sinatra)

8 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

Remember this photo tonight when you leave the club and end up at some strangers afterparty piss drunk talking to a random white guy with dreads about his new line of eco friendly condoms.

9 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

YOU'LL END UP CHILLING WITH A FUCKING VOLLEYBALL AND A SOMALI PIRATE WHO LOOKS LIKE BEETLEJUICE ( @worldstar)

12 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

You're definitely not going to eat right and work out and get deep dicklines in 2017, so at least don't drive like a complete butthole ( @ironlotuspt)

12 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

Fuck you 2016, we're keeping this national treasure. ( @11miami)

15 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

LOLOLOL you're gonna get even fatter and burn many more bridges this year. Yes, you.

15 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

ENJOY THE SLOW SPIRAL TOWARDS DEATH YOU GUYS! 💋💋💋

16 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

Let's hope this is the year that people stop growing soul patches. It's basically a Hitler mustache BENEATH your lip

17 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

I've been eating craaaazy lately, the other day I sat beside a roaring hearth in a turtleneck and sipped queso cheese out of a jar. I look like Rob Kardashian getting a lapdance from Lena Dunham.

17 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

This is about the time when even at age 30 you revert to an angsty teen. MOM JUST CHILL OUT I WISH I WAS WITH MY FRIENDS!! ( @tank.sinatra)

22 Days ago

Comment from thefatjewish:

Although this Jesus does kind of live with elves, a lot of Hispanic people are quite short. ( @whatsgoodny)

22 Days ago